How can something be so easy and so hard at the same time?
It feels necessary to begin this by explaining that my daughter was born in July 2020. It was a time of social distancing, working remotely, and telehealth appointments. While most parents have opportunities to meet other parents at birth classes, library storytimes, or mommy and me classes, these were all canceled when we became parents.
The pandemic certainly made it harder to make mom friends. How can you meet people when you aren't leaving your house? Well, I didn't. When I look back at 2020, it was a time of such intense emotions. I was so happy to have my daughter and truly cherished time with her (even middle-of-the-night feedings felt magical), but simultaneously, it was a very lonely time. My husband and I barely saw anyone else for the second half of my pregnancy and the first year of our daughter's life. I longed for the world to open up again.
We made it through a winter, summer, and fall of near solitude. We moved to Wicker Park in February 2021, and when the weather warmed, Gwen and I spent hours at local parks and just aimlessly wandering around exploring our new neighborhood, excited to be out of the house.
When the pandemic started, I thought one day it would just be over, that the government would make a happy declaration that it was safe to go back to normal. I know this is laughable now, but I had hoped and dreamed that things would return to normalcy just as quickly as we started social distancing and isolating at home. Instead, it was a very slow trickle.
With that gradual return to normalcy, the parks filled up with children again. We began taking Gwen to a local restaurant with outdoor seating. I was so eager and excited for Gwen and me to meet other families. For the first year of her life, the only children she interacted with were cousins on brief trips to Maine. Not only was I lonely, I was worried about Gwen not interacting with other children.
It became our routine to go to one or two parks every day. Gwen would play with other children - I remember her crawling towards other kids as fast as she could. I also remember thinking, "Where are the other moms"? Because, nine times out of ten, I would be the only parent there - the other children were there with nannies. And I want to chat about the nannies for a minute - because I got to know them, and they were so kind and helpful! They generously answered my parenting questions and did help me to feel less alone.
After Gwen turned one, when summer was in full swing, parents and their children finally seemed to be out and about again. One day, while pushing Gwen on the swings at the playground, I started chatting with another mother who was pushing her child, who was just a couple of months older than Gwen. It's funny thinking back - I was nervous about saying hi! But that day at the park pushing our kids on the swings turned into years of friendship.
I met another mom friend at The Perch, a restaurant we frequent. We were seated at tables next to one another, and when Gwen and her baby wouldn't stop staring at each other, we started to chat. It seemed like once I could actually find other moms, making friends came easily.
Slowly, those moms and I met more moms. Over the course of about a year, a little group of us formed. Since then, we've had playdates with our children, gone to music classes, attended many birthday parties, gone trick-or-treating, celebrated holidays, and even spent time together without our children.
This post is a long-winded way of saying: just introduce yourself. One thing that I learned is that most moms are looking for more mom friends. I think this is especially true of new mothers.
Here is the advice I would give if you are looking to make more mom friends:
Don't be shy about saying hello.
I haven't hit it off with every parent I've met at the park, but some friendships have started that way.
Lean into holidays.
I plan trick-or-treating and Easter Egg Hunts for my block, and they're excellent opportunities to gather the moms and their kids. We also team up with other families for Thanksgiving.
Create the group chat.
Moms need other moms to thrive. The group chat is the place to get advice or talk about White Lotus. It can be a necessary social outlet when it's hard to have a social life.
It is ok to ask for help.
Need to borrow a travel stroller? Need someone to watch your child for just an hour or two? Turn to your mom friends.
Find time away from the kids.
This is hard, but having a real conversation while watching little ones is nearly impossible. It's the time we spend away from our kids that helps to strengthen our friendships. Sometimes, we will gather for a movie night after bedtime or grab a coffee while the kids are in school. This weekend a few of us are gathering for a weekend away.
Motherhood is all-encompassing. It's easy to get lost in it. I am lucky to have a team of great mom friends on this journey with me.